Letting Go!!!

This has been an amazing weekend!! This weekend we had our church's mens retreat. It was so powerful. The speaker was Dr. Jerry Huson. Who used to be the president of my Alma mater San Diego Christian College. He is a very Godly man, and challenged us to live a life that says " I'm all In" I want to be all in for Jesus and one way I know that I can get to that spot is my life is to let go of the pain and wounds that have been holding me back from being "all in". One way that I am going to be "all in" is to seek some counseling so I can properly handle the grief of my mom's death which was 9 years ago, but I still have some things I need to bring to closure and complete the healing. I have been holding to my emotions for too long and it's time for them to be released, so I don't release them in other areas (which usually is anger) but God has been laying it on my heart to get some counseling for it, and after a good talk with my dad and the messages that Jerry spoke, I know without a shadow of a doubt, that this is what God wants me to do. God has brought me a long way in the healing process over my mom's passing in the last year and I feel like this is last step I need to take to bring closure (although there will always be a reminder and I don't think these things are something that God intends for us to get completely over.) I do feel that emotional healing is very important so that I can live a healthy life and not have the grief dictate my life.

Mom, I miss you. I love you. I will never forget you. God thanks for the time I got to spend with her!!

I want to be "all in for Jesus". I want to live a life of purity, that I can bless my future wife with. I don't want to be the typical "lustful man" This society praises lust and sex, and I think that is wrong and a distortion of true beauty and what God has intended true love to be. I want to be a man who looks upon all women with purity and treat them like sisters. I know that God will bring that one special lady around at the right time, and by being pure I won't have to bring any unnecessary baggage into the relationship and we can focus on having a relationship that is based upon the Rock of our salvation. Living a life of purity is a great way of being "All in for Jesus" Jesus thanks for never letting me go, and thanks that I can let go of all my pain and hurt and bring it before you and you bring healing and peace that surpasses all understanding :) I love you Jesus. I am going to be All In For You!!!

Conversing with the Stars

I am the most inconsistent blogger ever. I really do mean to blog more. Life just gets in the way nine out of ten times. This is a tenth time. Time to play catch up.

This past weekend was a really great weekend, Two of my best friends got married and it was great being able to celebrate with them also dancing was fun too. Even though I can't dance I always go all out at weddings, I have no idea why, but I just love to bring it (in a very bad dancer sort of way). This wedding was no exception to the rule, I was able to bust out my classic moves and have a great time.

Another great part of this weekend, was the fact that I got ordained!! I am now an official ordained minister and now I can legally marry and bury people in the promise land. AKA California. What stuck out to me about the ordination ceremony was the fact that my dad got to lead the teaching time, and it was great to have my father and the rest of the elders pray over me. Even though ordination is basically a man- made tradition it is important that you recognize those that God has set apart for ministry. I am nothing special, but I know that God has a call on my life to do full time ministry. This is just another step in the process, God has proven Himself to be so faithful to me, when He first called me to ministry, I really did not want anything to do with it, because the very thought of having to stand and speak in front of people made me want to pee my pants. God has a good sense of humor and repeated Himself over and over again to me during prayer that pursuing full time ministry is what He wanted me to do, so I decided I could either fight Him on it, which would have been stupid, or face my fear. As evidenced by my ordination I decided to face my fear, and God has given me victory over it, it's not because of anything that I did, but because I am dependent on God that I was able to overcome my fear of public speaking. He also brought Godly people along side me who gave me a lot of encouragement. I will always be eternally grateful to Professor Szuch who is so loving and kind, and made us present in our class every day and it help curb my fear of public speaking and to think it was a psychology class that got me over my fear of speaking to a crowd. Now every chance I get I praise God for and I don't mind at all. I still get nervous, but I think it keeps me healthy and always wanting to get better at speaking. I was very encouraged today, when our church secretary told me that someone had filled out our church's connection card and said they want to see me speak more. By no means do I want to make my pastor feel pressured to let me preach more. He does an amazing job, and I am happy only if I preach when He goes on vacations. He needs his vacations, he is a very hard working man, who loves God with all of his heart. It is a huge blessing being able to serve alongside him in the ministry and to hear the vision that God has placed on his heart for our church. God has really used him to help grow our church and to reach many new converts for the Lord it is an amazing time to be apart of Cornerstone Church.

Now the only way my life could better is by finding a great Christian girlfriend:)

My Next Chapter

This is it! The week before my first sermon, which I am excited and nervous for all at once. I did my first run through today with a good friend of mine, I was surprised when he said that he liked. He gave me a good few suggestions and I will employ them for the rest of the week as I have scheduled different people to preach to this week. I was taught in my preaching class that you should preach you sermon three times before you preach on Sunday, right now I am going to be preaching it at least five times, which will help me to feel more confident. I know that Satan has been trying to get into my head and trying to tell me that I am going to do horrible, but I know that preaching is not about me, it's about letting God speak through me, I am just a mere vessel and I know that I am not worthy to preach, but the grace and mercy of God is so awesome. The Lord has provided me with much wisdom for this message, I have talked with other pastor's about their first sermons and I heard the greatest advice, they said that I don't need to worry about it being great, I just need to focus on getting through it! My hope and desire is that my first sermon is the worst one I ever preach, because I want to grow each time I preach!

I have the best friends in the world. I turned 26 over the weekend and it was great being around all of them for my birthday and seeing all the myspace and facebook and happy birthday text messages. I had a great time at my party we all rocked out on rock band, and then we played one of the most amazing games ever, which is called Telephone pictionary it was rad!!! I can't believe that I passed the hump point to 30!! I know that I am in a good place right now, I just need to find a Godly woman!! which will happen in the Lord's timing and not my own, as much I wish it was my own timing. God has been using my singleness to help me grow in Him and to mature as a leader, I want to be able to be my wife's hero (underneath Jesus of course, who is the ultimate hero) I want to remain pure for her and her for me. I want our marriage to based upon the Rock of Salvation and our needs to come second, I want to be able to serve her and cherish her and honor her, and provide for her with all that is within me. It will be great to have a ministry partner. (I don't know where, this all came from... see the Lord is teaching me a lot about relationships right now even though I am not in one at the time)!!! Also this will be a great time to see what God has in store for me ministry wise, I know that God has called me to be a lead pastor (senior pastor to you baptists out there!!) Now I am just waiting on His timing for it to happen, I feel that it is probably a year or two away, but it's about God's will not mine.

Outer Part of the Plate

So it has been a couple of weeks... my endearing fans wait no longer!

I am free for the summer!! (from school at least!) Last week I finished my semester for seminary!! I am finished my first year of Greek and I came out of it with an A God is so good. When I started Greek last fall getting through the first year seemed so far away! but thanks to perseverance and dedication I was able to do well in the class and now I am very excited to start year two!! I learned so much in Greek and I was very blessed to have an amazing professor, who loves the Word and loves students. Going into the second year, I know that it will get tougher and the diagramming harder but I know that I can do it now and I look forward to the academic challenge... You can never learn enough!

On the homefront.... My Pastor challenged everyone on Sunday to wake up 30 Minutes earlier for 21 days and spend it reading the Bible and praying and growing deeper in our relationship with the Lord. For me it is a big challenge seeing that I love my beauty sleep or lack thereof!! I have found that these mornings when I have spent time with God, The days even when crap happens are still good days and I feel more in-tuned with the Holy Spirit and closer to God.

He has been revealing things in my life that I need to let go and giving me encouragement, that I should not worry about failing at anything, because even if I do fail at something, I can still take something good away from that experience. This revelation has given me a bigger passion to pursue my dreams.

Also I think that Satan is trying to distract me and has been trying to get me to focus on other things than the Lord and there is one area where he has been trying to hit me hard in. Today was good because I was able to talk about with a couple of friends of mine, and I feel so much better and like that was all I need to do to overcome this problem. Hopefully I will still feel this way tomorrow.

Contentment and the Lean Years Tradition

" I am ready, when your ready for me" That is a line from a song that is describing how God is waiting for us to call upon Him, because He is always ready for us. I am also using that quote as me saying that I am ready for that time when I find the right girl.

Ever since high school, I have been longing and desiring to find a wife, in college i was desperate and trying to view every girl as a potential relationship, which did not go well. Over the last couple of weeks. God has been showing me that I need to keep Him first in my life, and surrender my will in pursuing the girl that I liked... am still getting over. God told me to stop pursuing her, and it took awhile for me to listen because I really liked this girl, but over the last couple of weeks, my eyes have been opened and I decided that we are just better off as friends.

I feel with the last couple of girls that I have liked I am honing in on the qualities that I want in my wife. Each girl has been a little bit closer to what I desire in a wife, and that means that God has laid upon my heart the kind of girl that I am suppose to marry. God has been good to me! and I have never been so content in being single as I am right now.

I can use my singleness to bring God glory, I am able to do all kinds of ministry stuff without any restrictions and I have been able to focus on doing well in seminary, and being able to hang out with my friends.

The Lord also impressed on my heart, that I do not have enough time for a relationship right now, and I feel like He is preparing me to be a good boyfriend, and husband. By making Jesus my first priority the rest will fall into place, and when I meet the right girl I will be ready for her!! and in the meantime, I am going to keep loving on the Lord and doing His will for my life!

Oh Clarity

Clarity is something that everyone craves, especially when it comes to our lives. Often times though, we do not get clarity and are sometimes it feels like we are wondering around aimlessly. I know that lately in my life, I feel like there has been a huge haze that I have been caught in. Over these last two weeks, It seems that the haze is starting to clear, and I have been able to see things more clearly. One area that has been way hazy God is making clearer and clearer. I need to trust in God's plan for my life and not worry about the rest. Right now my focus is going to be on serving the Lord with all of my heart, and letting go of my own worries and having confidence in who God has made me and confidence in the ministries that I am responsible for running. With God as my focus, everything else will fall in place.

Stand Out and Stand Up

Extremes... We are told to try and live a life that is middle of the road. Why do that? it's boring, We should live life on extermes. I was reading a book recently that is called "The Gospel according to Starbucks" by Lenoard Sweet. He was writing that we should live lives that stand out and that aren't middle of the road. I know that in my own life, I don't always like standing out, I want to blend in most of the time, that is how my personality is. As a Christian, though I do want to stand out and make a difference. I also want to be able to show the world the Love of Jesus in my life. At church on Sunday, my pastor was speaking on mirror image. Jesus has called us to be a mirror image of him. That is so hard! everyday has it's own challange and often times when I look in the mirror, I don't see the reflection of Jesus, because I am caught up in trying to live life my way, instead of God's. That is why I am so thankful, for the grace that the Lord has given us, and if I start the day off with him, I am so much more likely to see the reflection of Jesus in the mirror. I want my life to be well curved, heading upwards not being steady in the middle. I am ready to stand out, and stand up.